Bullying

I happened to catch a part of the Today show today. I think it was Today – Katie Couric was on, so it musta been NBC. Anyway, Katie tells us about how the majority of the HS kids that have committed school-related shootings, over the last ten years, have been bullied at some point. I don’t find this surprising, but whatever. She then goes on to say that some kid was going to have to go to court for defending himself and they were going to talk to him, live. Caught my interest, so I kept it on. Twas a mistake: now my brain hurts.

They cut to some kid in Georgia. That’s when they tell you that he attacked the bully with a pencil. I figure he stabbed the bully in self-defense or something… I mean I know for a fact that some of my relatives have stabbed other family members with a fork, but that’s another story – I just know that a mundane object can be harmful. The dialog continues: it began to sound like that he threw a pencil and now that’s being considered assault. Um, well, I guess so, maybe. The kid talks… seems the bullies have stopped beating him up, but he’s still upset b/c they’re still call him white. Which he isn’t. White I mean. *shrug* It’s still bullying, and the kid should be a little pissed, so OK.

Katie goes on to ask another question, and the mother of the kid interrupts her, mid-question. She goes on to say that her son didn’t assault the bully – he assaulting a friend of his and the bullies egged him on. Her son was “no delinquent”. OK, fine, yeah, I would be saying the same thing for my own kid, but now I’m completely lost with what the story was about. So was Katie… obviously someone didn’t screen this woman and/or find out the depth of the story. There was an assault of some kind – with a pencil remember – and there was a bully involved, but it was a friend of the kid that was assaulted and the bully was the blame for it all? While I was mulling this over, they cut to the principal, where Katie poses the question: “What are you doing about this bullying problem? It sounds like you’re losing control.”

I turned it off. I had to. First off, they teased you with “gun killings in schools” and segue into a what sounded like a court appearance by a self-defending bullying victim. Then it turns out that the kid didn’t attack the bully, but he some how got conned into hurting his own friend. WTF? How do you get from shootings to attacks-friend-with-a-pencil? And then you try to attack the principal with vague and senseless arguments. Like bullying is some kind of a new phenomenon and had to be handled right now.

Which segues into my biggest problem with this two minute diatribe, I think: why is the media acting like bullying is a new problem? There were bullies when I was in school. There were bullies when they were in school. There were bullies when my parents were in school. It’s normal. It’s required. Life isn’t fair. The strong survive. Some people are assholes. When should kids learn this? College? High school? Grade school? They have to learn it. There will always be people that mock and torment the different people; these people need to be exposed to it, so they can learn to cope with it, instead of snapping. It would be irresponsible for kids to not to learn from bullying; we don’t live in a utopia and kids should be prepared… it’s part of their education.

Do I wish that we could have a school system and civilization that didn’t have bullying? Sure. But I’m also a realist. This is also the same reason why I can’t blame a school for what’s happened here. School teachers and staff can’t be everywhere on and off the school grounds. There’s also a code of silence and respect that force student to not “tell” on bullies. This too is a timeless tradition. Can the schools help? Sure – with that coping bit up there. Can the parents help? Sure – don’t raise your bulking son/daughter to be a dick, and it will help. Schools can help the kids that get bullied, maybe, but they can’t stop the bullying… that’s just impossible.

And yes, as a kid, I was bullied more than I bullied in every school I attended… it made me a stronger person, without ever firing a gun.


One thought on “Bullying”

  1. Hi Randy,

    I see a contradition in your statement about acceptance of bullying as an educational tool, and the theme of your message “the strong survive”.

    It seems like your statement about children learning to cope with bullying has two sides to it too. The first seems to imply that a child being bullied will somehow find the strength all alone to maintain a positive image of him/herself. Under the code of silence you mentioned they cannot rely on the help of adults, and in the case of clique scapegoating (which is part and parcel with bullying), the child has no leg left to stand on. Except of course becoming a bully, which continues the cycle of acceptance.

    The second facet comes in where you talk about the bullied child coping. It sounds as if all you believe schools should do is to help bullied children realized that they are just going to be bullied. Not only would children learn that some are just inferior and therefore deserve it, but that the adults consider “the stronger” (read bullies) more valuable. So, getting back to the contradition, this cannot be helping the bullied child develop (as well as the bully for that matter).

    Certainly bullying does occur and it is one of the realities we must educate our children about, but it is not something we should knowingly allow to occur. The bully or bullies essentially do everything possible to destroy the other child by cutting of his/her lines of power and instilling a feeling of helpless solitude in the struggle. The reasons behind bullying, such as avoiding being bullied oneself or compensating for some inner weakness are always unhealthy and children should be taught healthier ways to behave.

    Even if bullying happens, that does not mean we should treat it as acceptable behavior. Children are very perceptive about the messages we send.

    If we teach children that savage cruelty is okay simply because the person they are persecuting has been taught to treat others with respect (even when undeserved), we can only blame ourselves the the ongoing trend of bullying in schools, the world at large, and the abundance of narcisistic, abusive people in our world tomorrow.

    BTW: I highly agree with your tv watching technique. In today’s media saturated world we have to be careful about how we nourish our minds. There is so much junk an poison out there.

    Cheers,


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