Just What is Rude, Anyway?

I’ve often wondered what makes something rude and what makes something proper. It’s a pretty fine line, actually, as far as I can tell. I’m also pretty sure that the line between worlds is slightly askew between different cultures, which makes things far more complicated than it should be. Actually, it would be pretty complicated anyway – who makes these rules anyway? Is there a board that gets together quarterly to define “rude” behavior? They are pretty quiet about it, because I’ve never seen them listed anywhere. It’s not based on common sense; we wouldn’t have four forks whenever we sat down to a “proper” dinner, if common sense was involved. If there’s a committee deciding these things, it’s got to be a local thing and not an ISO (International Standards Organization) type thing, because of the regional differences.

A couple of weeks ago, someone was telling me a story about a clash of American and English cultures. Seems that a family of Americans (Yanks) were playing host to an English family (Brits) for a little while. While the Brits were here in the States, the Yanks thought that they should try to be hospitable and extend ever courtesy that they could to the Brits; they even attempted a bit of tea one afternoon. The Yanks thought they were being the greatest of hosts; the Brits actually had another opinion. Just before tea was served, the Mum of the Brit family asked if they had any better china for tea time. The Yanks were aghast! At first they were embarrassed by the lack of “proper tea utensils” and then outraged that the Brits would make such a comment in the first place. Being a Yank myself, I would have said “Sure! Let me get the stuff!” only to have gone and gotten Styrofoam cups and paper plates. The Yanks were raised to keep quite if you have nothing good to say; of course we always will talk about you once you leave, but still, that’s what we deem to be proper. The Brits obviously have a different standard of “right”. They believed that if something isn’t quite right and proper then you need to fix it. They also might have even been insulted that only regular china was being used and not the “proper” china, allowing them to make such comments. For the Brits, it was very proper to point out that the dishes sucked and to request better accommodations for tea time. It’s just a different set of rules.

I just don’t know who decides such things, and I really think people should be notified. See, this morning, I’m standing on the train platform’s gangplanks (these are large metal ramps installed over an unused track that’s under construction) and there’s a guy next to me. He’s a little too close, but that’s a personal space issue, so OK; besides he’s shuffling from side to side a bit. For whatever reason, every 15 seconds or so, he stomps on the gangplank. Mind you this is an open air, temporary metal platform, so the stomps are vibrating through the gangplank. While he’s bouncing around the platform, the most noticeable sound, aside from the *stOM-P*, is *smack* *smack* *smack* as this guy goes to town on a Plen-T-Pack of Doublemint. It’s about 13 degrees out today – there’s a bit of winter in CT at the moment as we’re supposed to drop below 0 tonight – and this guy is mouth wide open, chomping on a piece of gum like a cow, feeding in a field. It’s a wonder he hasn’t chipped a tooth from what must be frozen gum. All right, that’s OK – that’s what headphones are for, right? Wait – how do I know it was Doublemint gum he had? Ah, well. As Chomp-n-Stomp was tooling around the platform, he was breathing on everyone, so there was a minty cloud that hung about the platform. And of course, he was most oblivious to the sneers of other travelers.

Now I ask you: why would it be considered rude to ask this putz to either “please close your mouth while you chew that wad” or “please stand upwind while you chomp on your gum”? You know it would be rude rather than “proper” – You know it! I want to submit this for review, to this board – there’s got to be a way to defend yourself and not be considered “rude”. Next time I’ll just be the prick that I think I should be and rude be damned.

I just don’t get it.


One thought on “Just What is Rude, Anyway?”

  1. I get accused of being rude all the time. Why? Because I have to say “No” in some form or another. Too many people equate being told no as someone being rude to them. “No” is neither rude or polite, it just is a fact of life. People need to get over the idea that they are the center of the universe. Copernicus proved we aren’t the center of the universe in the 16th century.

    And as for your question of “would it be rude”, the answer is no. Rude is what that ‘person’ is doing. You would just be asserting yourself. ;-)


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