Dating? Dating Sucks.

Personally, I think could overload this server with the pitfalls and perils of dating. A chunk of my book tells a small part of the pain that I’ve had to endure over the years… the planned second edition of it would include a hell of a lot more – like the “adult” relationships – assuming I ever got time to write it.

Let me tell you want a resent night entailed – an all too typical a night…

I know a lot of people that go on and on about how married life sucks… while I agree, it’s better to be alone than be in a terrible relationship, the coupled people don’t seem to “get” what it’s like to date in the here and now. As in, your middle thirties. I always figured that if I was single after college, that I’d be single for a long time. I mean, in college you get to have six hour conversation until dawn with women camped in your room (or vice versa) and it’s really easy to meet new people and get to know them very well and quickly. After college, you’re relying on nothing but personal ads and random bar meetings. You can’t date anyone at work anymore without taking home a lawsuit for your efforts. If your the friends of your friends are married, you quickly realize how rare a single people can be. Assuming that you don’t want to date some one that comes with a 25 piece matching set of baggage from [insert any random reason here].

It’s not even that I’m “picky” – it’s just that there’s a much smaller pool to draw from on this side of 30.

Onto the case study.

I’ve been going to the same bar for a while now. I first started going to this bar because it was close to where I was living at the time… how can you turn down a place that you could walk to in under five minutes? After a number of visit every week or two, I got to know some of the regulars, as well as the bartenders and bartendresses. Once they banned smoking in all public places in WA, the place became a weekly staple.

While I don’t walk to the place any more – it’s just a little too far to walk during the winter and I don’t get that marinated anymore – I still hang out there, now for dinner and a beer. Good burgers, honestly… cheap beer. Good company too – some of the bartenders have gone and come back – and the regulars are still around. Like most local bars, very few people leave – most just fade in and out over time.

So the other night, I was sitting there watching the Sonics (I miss baseball) and eating a burger. Across the room I notice this cute woman talking to some other women by the pool table. Me, being me – which isn’t always easy, but at least it’s entertaining – I noticed her, but I also noticed every single other person in the bar… it’s what I do. I watched the game and the bar and continued to randomly flip off one of the bartendresses, and shoved the burger in my face.

When I ran outta burger and beer, I went up to get another one beer – line was about three deep. A total logjam for a small bar! So while I’m waiting in line, some one behind me says, “I fuckin’ hate the fuckin’ NBA.” I turn around to find the cute chick behind me. I reply with, “Uwaaah? Hey me too!” which sparks an NBA-related tirade from the woman. And it’s well met – I’m not a fan of the NBA but since there’s no local hockey and baseball isn’t on yet, I have limited options! – so we chatted for a little bit.

After a few minutes I’m finally through the line and at the bar, so I let the woman go first. She asks the bartender if she can turn off the sound from the game and play music. Bartender says “Oh, if you select music from the jukebox, it’ll cut the sound from the TV’s.” I ask the woman if she played all of the rock music I heard earlier – I was pretty sure it was her, and it was – so I gave her five bucks for music… I suck at picking music off a jukebox… same thing with iTunes or the Zune Store: I always end up at the same artist or same type of music – I never branch out on my own. It’s why I like Sirius radio, actually, because it forces me to discover new artists.

Anyway the woman is all “WHOO!” thanks me and runs over to the jukebox. I get another beer and sit down where I was sitting, which was very near the jukebox, and watch the game some more. Woman plays some songs and then grabs me so I can help. Literally grabbed my arm and dragged me off a stool and then leans on my back while we’re lookin at the screen. Lo! We have similar tastes in music. Chat chat chat, play play play, oops, no more credits left. Chick says “zOMG! You gotta come over to our group and talk to us!” I say “OK, sure”, grab my beer and go over to near the pool tables where she was talking to the other women earlier.

What would you think at this point? Happy times? Hookup for the night? Digits with a follow up call in three days (even if five days would be money)?

You obviously don’t know me. And you’ve certainly haven’t dated in the last five years.

Not only did I get to meet her fiancée live-in boyfriend – honestly, I dunno what the hell he was but at least he took to his girlfriend bringing random men over to their table in stride, which I personally attribute to a lack of beer and Northwest manners – but I got to watch them argue about whether or not they should leave to meet up with the people they were supposed to be meeting. And after they left to meet up with the other people, I inherited the slurring friend that tried to tell me that the first chick had a drinking problem.

Right. Fun. Whoo! Dating sucks.

I was back in my house in front of a warm and glowing 360 by 8:30.

21 thoughts on “Dating? Dating Sucks.”

  1. The only thing missing from that story (if you were narrating it for a TV show) would be the sound effect of a phonograph needle scraping across the record. Rrrrrrrrrrip!

    I hear ya. That’s why I’m in my 40s and never been married.

  2. Hrmmm “adult” relationships?? If you switched hands then maybe you would find the time to write! :-) Love ya man – MEAN IT!

  3. Haha…I know exactly what you’re describing.

    The same thing happened to me… different environment, etc, but essentially the same thing.

    She introduces me to her bf and tells him how cool i am… I don’t get it…

  4. Just stopping in to announce that I have perused your blog and find it an interesting contrast to my experiences. This latest post of yours is a classic bar scene. She could have saved you the 5 bucks by announcing that “they” had enough money for the jukebox.

  5. I actually found your blog by typing “dating sucks” into the search engine. I’m a single 33 year old chick and it’s about the same on this side of the fence. I just don’t get it! I suppose I’ll spend life alone if dating is always like this. It’s exhausting.

  6. Wow…truly said “M”. Im sick n tired of having some kind of long ass “story” w someone and still being used as some kind of totem pole. Always 2nd place if u know what i mean

  7. I went on a 2nd date with this 37 year-old single (never married, no kids)woman whom I found attractive and fun on the first date. I was set up with her via a mutual contact. I am a decent-looking 43 year-old man who works out at the gym 3-4 times a week, holds a Master’s Degree, and has a successful career in pharmaceutical sales with a stable company. My wife died of cancer last year and, thus, my solid, happy marriage of 15 years ended. I have been putting myself out there and dating again for the past 6 months. I have no problem meeting women, and can get laid, but have problems meeting women with whom I can really connect. Back to my story: During the week-long period between our first date and our second we had phone conversations and exchanged texts. Things seemed like they were going well and I was looking forward to seeing “Sandy” again. She mentioned that she might do something over the weekend with one of her single friends. I suggested that we do a double-date. She agreed and when Saturday night rolled around me and my buddy met her and her friend at a restaurant bar to start the evening. We were going to do a little bar-hopping, but as you will read, I’m really glad it did not come down to that – the date would’ve ended much sooner! Anyway, Sandy treated me like shit from the start. She kept her back turned on me almost the entire night, engaged in biting, sarcastic humor at my expense, and basically made me feel like crap in front of my friend and hers. The only thing that saved the evening and spared me from this bitch’s rath was the fact that her friend (who was not as physically attractive, but was way more emotionally attractive) suggested that we all go to a comedy club that was nearby. We went to the comedy club and this saved the evening from being a total disaster. My friend and I could focus on the comics and have some laughs, and that was, in fact, fun. Sandy hardly laughed at all, but her friend was laughing the whole time and was enjoying herself. I couldn’t wait to drop off the women after the show. My buddy, feeling bad for me, confronted Sandy on her behavior and said to her, “You must be really angry,” a claim she denied. I worked to keep my cool and be a gentleman througout the evening, so I did not confront her on her shit. Part of the reason was that, at least initially, I was in shock. I could not believe that this person, with whom I had seemingly hit it off on the first date the week before, and with whom I had experienced several pleasant conversations and text exchanges, would be behaving in this manner and basically giving me the cold shoulder and putting me down all night! I asked my friend if I had done something wrong – he said no, that I was acting like my normal, fun self. Furthermore, Sandy’s friend seemed to like me and she and I had some good conversation when Sandy was rejecting me during the date. I can only reason that this chick is “psycho” in her own way. I deleted her number from my cell phone contacts and I never called her again, nor will I ever. When I see the person who set us up I will have some feedback for them. I have now made a commitment to never go on a blind date – if someone wants to meet me I will let them know where they can find me out with my friends if they are so inclined. This was the final straw for me being set up with blind dates – the 4th and final time. All have been disasters in their own way…

  8. One little detail out of many I could describe to illustrate the disaster I chronicled above: Some time during the first part of the date, she made it a point to mention that she likes “tall guys”. I am not tall, but at 5’9″ I’m not a midget either (BTW, my wife was a tall, attractive blond who was an inch taller than me and she found me attractive…). This woman is about 5’3″ and I am, in fact, much taller than her. Later when we were being seated at the comedy club, and her body language had already been displaying total disinterest in me, I witnessed her staring at a 6’3″ 20-something male who was being seated with his girlfriend. It was so obvious (and rude) her staring at this guy. WTF?! If she wasn’t into me, then why did she agree to a 2nd date? I guess I will never know. She will be 38 years-old next year, approaching 40, and she will still be alone that is my prediction. What man would want to be with a woman who behaves like that? Yes, she does have a successful career, she is educated, she seems to be fun (at least initially), and she is attractive. However, I believe that all the money she has spent on her implants, her photo-facials, her laser hair removal, and her spa & salon treatments (and yes, she has had all this – I have no problem with it if it is matched with internal value) would have been better spent on a therapist who could assist her at understanding and resolving her obvious issues. Well, at least I learned something from this experience – no more blind dates for me! BTW, my old girlfriend (from a few months back) and I have started seeing each other again, have really enjoyed each other’s company of late, and have had some really great sex…

  9. Almost 40 and never been married, but had a few relationships which I thought would lead to marraige. I am glad I never did marry because I realize I will lose complete freedom to being miserable. I feel that cohabitation is a job and not natural. Humans do in fact need social contact every now and then. I do get the painful urge to want to meet a woman and develop a relationship, but then to rid the need I remind myself of how terrible the last relationship was. It helps thwart the need for human intimacy. It is too late for me to find anyone because the window for viability is closed. No woman wants a man pushing close to 40 years of age.

    I, on the other hand am fine with a 10 year differential in either direction. I have my own home, financially stable and alone. No , I will not buy “her” presents every week and just give “her” money like the other woman DEMANDED; because “her” girlfriends felt that should be the case.

    I already accept the rest of my life will be without companionship. I just don’t know how it will affect me in my senior years. I have hobbies and activites to keep my mind off of the need.

    I have been single for since 2003 and had only one brief date two years after that. Since then I have been alone. I think all would be ok if I could just rid this psychological need for companionship.

    Also, even if I tried I couldn’t attract anyone. The internet Date sites are garbage and full of fake singles/profiles. I don’t drink, smoke or use drugs. I guess that limits me greatly to who is suitable for me… nobody… :(

    I’m in constant conflict with my emotional psychological needs as a human, but the logic from past experiences prevents me from making the same mistakes again. Why can’t I have a normal, healthy relationship? Is that so difficult? Why must I be some womans’ “sugar daddy”?

  10. Thomas, I hear ya, man. You sound just like me. I’m 46, got my own house and live totally alone. Haven’t dated since 2002. Not one chick has ever walked into the house that I bought 7 years ago. Like you, I’m generally glad I’m single…really, it’s SO much easier than being with someone you have to entertain and pay for all the time. But, I wouldn’t mind bringing someone home once in a while for a bit of fun. Not happenin’…

  11. Wow,I am so glad I stumbled upon this site. I am a 35 year old male and been only single for 6 months now.I was feeling down on myself thinking I wasn’t going to find anyone but come to think about it Ive had ample dates some of which wanted serious relationships BUT I cant seem to find someone I share a connection with,my ex was very sexy but we rarely had sex because I didn’t share any connection with her out of the bedroom.Anyhow after reading some of your stories I feel so much better now and I think I will perhaps take a break from the dating game,like they say it will happen when you least expect it. Enjoy the pleasures that being single brings!!

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