Step Away from the Cart!

I’ve always said a clich becomes a clich for a reason. It’s not that there’s a single, solitary group of people that are constantly churning out biased statements or witty sound bites to piss people off. There’s no Clich Board that decided these things. People can formulate their own clichs and the general public seems to be able to strengthen, prove, and endorse them all on their own. If you’ve been reading this site from the beginning, you’ve heard this before, and I’m certain to say it many times over before this site ever dies. Need an example? Cart Jacking.

Yes. It’s a new term. One I never thought we’d ever see, but it’s actually a real thing – true story. Cart Jacking. Friend of mine’s father was in the Home Depot in Waterbury, CT. To those of you unfamiliar with Waterbury, it’s the most commonly known for two reasons: they declared bankruptcy a while back (and haven’t said another financially based word on their situation – don’t know if they’re still broke or not, but the silence screams “Family” involvement) and their mayor was recently arrest on child molestation charges. So the city is in a world of shit already; let me also add, and not that this has any thing to do with it former statements, but it helps build background, that it has a diverse background and yes, white people are in the minority at 40% of the population. Anyway, this guy is buying a bunch of supplies. He needs some help finding some stuff, so he grabs a Depot guy. The Depot guy says, “Yeah, you need this and that and this 5 gallon drum of stuff, over a few aisles. Lets go get the smaller stuff over there and we’ll come back for the drum.” They go over a couple of aisles and get the “smaller” stuff and come back to the 1/2 full carriage but the carriage is now missing.

Missing? Yes. All of my buddy’s stuff is in a heap on the floor and the cart is no where to be found. OK, so this is an isolated incident, right? Must be some low life that was too lazy to go get their own carriage from out in the parking lot, right? Depot guy: “Oh, this happens all the time. Welcome to Waterbury.” I know – you’re thinking I’m shitting you. I would be too. Had I not heard the story myself I would not be Ranting about it. This is too unbelievable to be real. But wait – there’s more to it than just this. When my friend’s father started talking to one of his neighbors about it, his neighbor tells him something similar happened to him, only even more surreal. See, when the neighbor got back to his cart, he found the people in the process of removing his items from his carriage. When he approached them about it with “Um, that’s my stuff” they ignored him, either by gall or by not speaking English, and still walked away with the cart, leaving this guy totally flabbergasted.

I’m beside myself with this one. Oh, it’s not the cart itself. Who gives a shit about that – ya just go get another one. Well, I sorta take that back, even. Imagine trying to buy a full order at a food store and every time you leave the cart, you come back to a pile of stuff. It could take you three hours just to finish one week’s worth of shopping, and I don’t buy all that much! But still, the thing that is irking me is the lack of respect for the common person. Some people I know would make the case that the people that are Cart Jacking are “getting back at the pompous white man” and scoring one for the “cause” – didn’t know I knew Al Sharpton did ya? This is complete bunk. The Jackers don’t know who was using cart that they’re taking – they could be inflicting the punishment on their own people. And yes, I’ll say their “own” people because for all the screaming for equal rights and discrimination these days, people don’t want to be equal – they want to be treated specially because of who their people are. No, this Cart Jacking thing is just laziness and lack of respect for other people. For this lack of respect, they need to be shot with a Tazer and left to sleep off the electrical shot, with their hand in a bowl of warm water. When they wake up, with their knickers a bit wet from pissing themselves, they should be presented with a picture of themselves, passed out and self-spoiled; the picture should then be posted in the front of the store, as a form of shame. Sorta like a Yellow P, in the spirit of the old colonial Scarlet A. Public humiliation (or public flogging) seems to have always worked to correct deviant behavior.

As for me, I’m going to develop and patent “The Club – Cart Edition” to prevent my own carriage from being Cart Jacked, because I cannot be responsible for the scene I cause, should this happen to me. I could conceivable see me smearing KY Jelly on the offending person’s forehead and then telling them that I mistook them for an asshole that needed a fucking. When I wake up in the hospital, should this ever happen, I’ll be sure to post my hospital room number, so you can all send me cards!

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