This might just be the first real Rant, after having moved to the west coast. Actually, it’s more than a Rant. It’s a full-blown Episode. I know because I have this annoying buzzing in the back of my head that is typically caused repeatedly hitting my head into an impenetrable wall of illogic.

The culprit? Chaplin Volkswagen. The cause? Piss poor and unreasonable customer service.

You know it’s going to be a bad one if I out the villain by name.

I have a 2003 VW Jetta GLI. The top of the sports line, for that model year. It needs an oil change every six months, and since it’s a lease, I am religious about the service schedule. I also go to the nearest dealer for said service because of the lease: saves time on issues all around. In fact, I’ve been going to Chaplin for over a year now, since I first moved out here.

There are three issues with the car at the moment: it needs an oil change, the driver side rear door sticks (needs a double clutch to open it), and there’s a loud *BUMP* that happens when you back the car up and turn at a sharp angle after it’s been sitting for a little while. The loud *BUMP* is the most disturbing, frankly, so I tell them about all three. No problems there, bring it on in; can you leave it with us? I say, “Sure, can I get a loaner?”

The loaner. There’s the problem. “We don’t have one available until Nov 2” – I say fine. I mean, I know loaners are in demand, so I expected a wait. “Oh. You didn’t buy it here?” ‘Nope, it came with me from the east coast.’ “Oh. We can’t give you a loaner if you didn’t buy it here or if you haven’t been coming here for at least two years.” ‘…’ “Are you there, sir?” ‘Yeah… Um, I didn’t think I heard that right, what?’ She repeats it. ‘Really? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Ever.’ “Well, we have a shuttle service that can get you back to Redmond.” ‘Oh, OK. Cool. Will it come pick me up when it’s done?’ “No, it’s drop off only.” ‘Errr… so what are you telling me?’ “You can rent a car – we have a deal with Enterprise!” ‘Rent a car. So you can service my car?’ “Yes, well, it’s only because you didn’t buy it here.”

[insert a cerebral explosion here]

My Pop has been in the business for over 20 years. Closer to 30 years now that I think about it. I’ve never ever heard of such bullshit in all my life. My Jetta stickers for $30,000. I’m having problems with it. It’s not like I’m asking for a loaner for an oil change and a car wash. There’s something wrong with it. You’re telling me I have to rent a car so you can work on it?

‘Manager, please.’

I get the service manager. Insert a blurb about how the residual on the loaners were shit after people drove them and that they do too much business, etc. – that inspires some faith if I want to buy a VW in the future, right? Nice job, service department!

“You can rent a car – if it’s a warrantee repair, then we pay Enterprise for you.” ‘If? The car has a four year warrantee and I’m one month into the third year of the lease.’ “Oh, but if there was an external cause that is causing the repair, meaning that it’s not covered, then you’d need to pay for the rental.” ‘…’ [And what happens if the car needs more than a day because a part is out of stock? Not to mention this wide open loop hole that you’ve opened: “Oh, you drove the car on the road? I don’t know if that is covered.

]

“We do have a shuttle drop off service that could get you back to Redmond.” ‘Right, but there’s no pick up service?’ “Oh, you can get a ride from a friend.” ‘!!’

I state that I’ve leased a Passat before this Jetta and will be leasing again in 11 months. How is this making me want to get a VW again? “Oh, it’s the same service that all of the other VW dealers in the area do.” ‘I’ve never heard of such a thing. [in CT if they had no loaner I went to Enterprise, but I was never on the hook to pay for it – I never even had paperwork to do] My car stickers for $30K. Are you telling me the Phaeton and Touareg customers have the same issue?’ “No, they get loaners as part of their initial package when they buy the car.” ‘Thanks for your time, bye.’ *slam*

The question now becomes what do I do next? The GM won’t be in the office until Thursday, so I went ahead and made an appointment for next week – what else are my options? I don’t think I have any at this moment. I need the car repaired, I can’t escalate (yet), so I’ll leech a ride off someone, as I have no choice.

But I’m still calling the GM in two days, and if he doesn’t do anything to playcate me, I’m going up to VW of America after that. See, in the car business, whoever shouts the loudest wins. And I’ve got a big fuckin’ mouth when I’m annoyed. And I’m about three levels past annoyed at this point.

And this very well might be my last VW, if the only local dealer is like this. There’s an Audi, Honda, Acura, and BWM (meaning Mini) dealership in the immediate area. All have just become viable options.

Even a local Lotus dealer, if I wanted to sell my condo for a car, but I’m not ready to do that yet.