[MSN] “Former televangelist Pat Robertson came out of retirement to comment on Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, saying Russian President Vladimir Putin is being “compelled by God” to bring about the “End of Times,” prophesied in the Bible.”

While it’s hardly my place to tell a preacher to shut the fuck up, I still gotta say it: Hey Pat? Shut the fuck up.

Yes, the prophesies of the end times tell of an attack on Israel from the east – one where Israel is saved without loss of life or machine – but if memory serves, this even happens after Israel is lifted up from being a piece of desert land: after it has become a super fertile land, capable of producing more food than they can consume, making them the envy of most of the world. …did I miss a memo or am I just unable to read the same books you have?

Since you’ve already swung and missed on two other times, when other prophecies would end the world, what’s your rationale here? Third times is the charm?

Please get out of the limelight and go back to counting the millions that your 700 Club has sent you over the decades. We’ve enough people taking attention away from world problems by either praising Russia’s actions, blaming Russia’s actions on POTUS #46’s actions, inactions, or general hairstyle, and continue to infight within the government itself. The last thing we need is a snake oil salesman coming out of retirement with the sole purpose of cashing in on world-sized tragedies.

The only bright spot in this is that Howard Stern will have fresh material from you to work with this week.

What’s worse is that Pat’s theory – that some external omnipotent being is causing Putin to act this way – may be the most accurate or realistic theory to date: not much else makes sense yet.