And then your stomach says, “what the hell did you do to me?”
Over the weekend I heard that Cold Stone Creamery opted to recall all of their cake batter ice cream… something about salmonella poisoning – after all, there is raw egg in cake batter. I don’t blame Cold Stone for this – call it a typo or a mishap – but I can certainly blame them for what they’ve done to me today with their “red pan” flavor of the month…
They’ve been doing this “flavor of the month” thing since January. They pop a new flavor in the red pan and come out with a bunch of new mixing options. This month – did you know that July is national ice cream month? Oi! – they have a bunch of new flavors. Tangerine. Black Licorice. Wasabi Ginger. Fruity Cereal. Oatmeal Cookie.
I’ve been keeping up with my work out schedule so I thought I’d boost some ice cream for dinner. Wasn’t expecting all the new choices! Sorta threw me for a loop… Wasabi Ginger sounded interesting – after all green tea ice cream is popular enough. So I had a sample. It was actually pretty good! Had the tell-tale horseradish up yer nose burn that is trademark wasabi but with the ginger it actually tastes sorta like the green tea ice cream. “Wasabi Chiller” took this ice cream and mixed it with raspberry, pineapple, and coconut.
I got a cone with the stuff. Tasted good for a while. A long while. It was only after I was completely done and stood up that my body reacted to it. Lactose intolerant? Maybe, but I doubt it. Ice cream headache? Shouldn’t have been since it wasn’t that hot out and I didn’t eat it fast. Gas? Possibly, sure! Inverse reaction to a having a year’s worth of wasabi in one condensed cone of dessert in ten minute? More than likely. The damned thing should come with a warning label.
I have a pretty tolerant system. I drink all types of milk and cream without worry. I eat hot stuff whenever I want. It’s not uncommon for me to eat a burger at 7 in the morning. Never had a burp from southern BBQ. Never a hiccup from Italian, Mexican, Thai, or Chinese. On my last trip to Vegas when I proclaimed that I wanted a drink before noon, I went with a piña colada, in true goomba fashion, without a care for the rum – I did think that the fruit would make a proper for breakfast. In the rare event I get a bit of heartburn from anything – more often than not, it’s from alcohol rather than food – a Tums or two and I’m fine.
My body is currently staging a revolution… it’s pissed off at me and it’s telling me so. In fact, my lower intestines have told me that it would have been happier with tainted cake batter than deal with what I’ve given it today. One poor choice and your body turns on you for hours! I see eighteen billion warning labels every day – you’d think they should habe been required to put one here, or something…
Red pan, my ass; I’m sticking to spumoni [and Brioschi] for a while.